Elves that Never Made a Storybook

Seeing as how it's getting closer to Christmas, I thought you might all enjoy this. I wrote it a few years back for my high school newspaper, but still think it's a gooder. Hope you enjoy.

Elves That Only Santa Knows About (Fortunately they no longer work for Santa in the toy shop)

Pyro Elf: He was fired after burning down the welding shop with a blow torch. Three elves were killed that night. They had to be identified by their elf shoes.

Hunter Elf: He was fired after he killed Rudolph’s brother. Some elves claim he was quoted as saying, “I’ll get you my pretty, you and your fake red nose too.” (I think he has seen “The Wizard of Oz” too many times.)

Revengeful Elf: He would always break the toys as soon as the other elves were done making them. He crossed the line when he started tearing the head off Rudolph plush toys. (It is still speculated that he was in cahoots with Hunter Elf, although adequate evidence has yet to be found.)

Sinister Elf: This elf was always trying to poison anyone he could with a “family recipe” of candy canes. (This is why there is only 7 reindeer instead of 8. Poor little Gimpy...he was so trusting.)